she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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