ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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