Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
