I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
