I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize