I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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