I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize