I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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