The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
