i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
