he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
