I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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