i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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