i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize