you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
