When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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