The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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