The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
