I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This baby is an asshole
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
