Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize