she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize