It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
