what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
