I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
