your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize