This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
