i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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