this beer tastes like vomit already
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
