I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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