Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You made out with two different species that night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
