So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm like, not good at living.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
