Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
