We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
