I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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