Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
