Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize