Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
