I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
