This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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