Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
