shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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