your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
