im six kinds of drunk right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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