Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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