Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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