I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
