Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
