umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
