he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
