"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
