Got a toothbrush?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize