Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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