Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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