well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
