break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
