Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
