I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
