Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
