I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
