last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
