She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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