I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
