I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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