that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize