ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize