omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
