yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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