ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
